TOM And Jerry Battle In Bangkok Part 3.

 WARNING!!! PUERILE, MONOMANIACAL ROCK & ROLL FANTASIES AT CLUB 708.  "Jerry", your man with his mouth (and hands) on all the poop that matters!

DEAR Jerry, "SAITHIP'S RESIDENT OVER BEARING LITTLE PRICK"

I sent you an email after you attacked my door. Its purpose was to settle you down and make you think twice before acting irrationally. I was a gentleman not to hit you. You had a chance to make peace with me. The purpose of your response is the same as your attack on my door. You wish to provoke me. Therefore you do want to actually have it out with me. You do not understand that I was charitable to you by not beating you up. You are neither understanding nor smart. Respond in the same manner to this email and I will personally hunt you down like the vermin you are and give you a bath in the filthy klong at the end of our soi. If you wish to continue just try me. I have already informed Tom the owner of Saithip Grandville and I will leave a down payment for all damages at the desk before I come right through your door and haul your sorry ass down the soi during the day for all to see.

You are challenging me. You have mocked the fact I gave you a fair warning. You think you can assault with impunity? You are a courageous man locked in your room at your computer. Come outside.

"Monomaniacal" is defined as a mental illness obsessed with one idea or thought. Sure sounds like you. You are obsessed with controlling your neighbours and imposing your ways on everyone. The fact that anyone would blast rock and roll music on sunny afternoons hardly confirms them to be obsessed with anything.

You don't know anything about my life. My "cartoon life"? What is that exactly? Are you referring to my life where I retired financially independent at 44 and now maintain 2 homes, one on either side of the world? Step outside your room.
 
You are the guy who plays competitive charades at British pubs around Bangkok on an organized team! What kind of hobby is that? I don't pick on you for it but you are putting me down for being a musician? You are making comments about Baccara as though charades is a better past time than a lesbian show. Why do you assume I go to Baccara? I don't go to Baccara often because they smoke there so you could not go either because you would be throwing your shit on all the smokers. The little Thai girls have their radios and mp3 players on loud too so you would be dressing them down for their noise and the taxis go flying by nearly hitting people so you would be slamming your fists down on the taxis. You just can't go out. Not only will I hit you but everyone will want a piece of you.

For a man who says he has avoided me for the past year you sure try to get my attention a lot with all your crashing against the walls and slamming the doors. I see you turn around and hide at the BTS when I am there. I'm alright with that. I don't care about you or your baseless opinion of me.
If you were right in this conflict of yours you would be able to stay in your room. It is "your" conflict. You started it. I'm allowed to remain in my room. You are the one changing rooms because you have no credibility. Your history of maniacal behaviour is glaring on your record. The manager thanked me for not beating you up. Most residents ask me why I didn't.

The difference between your email to me and my email to you is simple. All of your comments are 100% baseless. You don't know me other than I piss you off. Your email is one-up-man-ship at its lowest level. I doubt you possess the creative ability to write your own letter. You just copied my email to you and made comments the way a jealous teenage girl might. Nothing is quite so lowdown, cheap or as absolutely absurd than a smaller man starting a fight with a bigger, stronger man and then crying wolf and calling him an over bearing prick and a bully when he gets beaten up. I have nothing to gain in hurting you but I am getting the idea by the tone of your email that you actually enjoy losing badly then crying to anyone who will take your side. There is a psychological term for it. I call it dysfunctional. The people included in either of the emails I sent to you are not a group of friends or a gang I run with. They are people who have had experiences with you or they know about your problem with me and assorted others. They live in Saithip Grandville.

Your deliberate use of high-brow language suggests an inferiority complex that is desperately in search of acceptance or even perhaps an inverse relationship between an adept ability to use language and its great potential but a inept ability to use basic common sense. I don't get it. A guy that still throws his own poop around at others but can use "deleterious" in a sentence?

Certainly your high-falutin' jabber is incongruent with how you comport yourself publicly.
You are a bully. You are the one demanding everyone around you play to your rules or else you scream, kick and slam yourself around like a nut until you get your way. Everyone of your victims, John, Archie and the little Thai girl are passive and wouldn't throw your shit right back at you. The taxi driver was so smart to nail you on the spot. You did not learn a damn thing dumbass! I was unable to address your crap because you ran behind your door. Now you have sent me a derogatory email. You are happy to press people's buttons.

The 6th and7th floor at Saithip are all about Bruce. I am sure you have issues with the 8th floor too. In fact everywhere and anytime Bruce is around you better not use your ceiling lights, blender or television because he gets upset if it enters his domain. He calls my room and hangs up when my tv is on too loud for him.

I was pleased to receive your response however misguided and misinformed you are. Fortunately, I am a lot different than what you have determined. Yes I was a truck driver among other things. I created and operated a flower brokerage. In my final 3 years I personally sold and delivered over 45 million dollars worth of product. My business was so successful that the supplier undercut me, made my accounts house accounts therefore taking me out of the equation.

 I did not realize that you believe university educated people are smarter than people who work with their hands and minds, creating their own business and wealth while obtaining their never ending education on a daily basis integrating their lives with and learning from others. It ain't necessarily so. Do you like that song, mister music critic?

My email to you is straight to the point. Move! Fuck off before you are hurt. I am not some pugilistic goon as you purport me to be. The tough guy talk is anything but cheap. That email was composed specifically for you. In the hopes that you will take your life somewhere far from me. Heed the words. Nothing in my email is false. If you choose to continue this nonsense you will only hurt yourself.

The cheap tough guy talk as you have called it shows how you analyze incorrectly. There was no threat to you when I said "Never ever enter the elevator I am using." That was a protection for me from being in a small, enclosed environment with a dangerous, psychopath such as yourself. You with your little bottle of pee and your jar of poop that you picked out of the toilet, possibly your infamous knife and your can of toxic insect repellent and myself inside an elevator. You would be shipped back to Canada in a box and I would have to be disinfected in a hospital while the doctors and nurses laughed about the mildly retarded farang who attacked me with poop. Just out of curiosity did you buy that poop, find it on the road or maybe haul it out of your own ass? Never mind I don't need to know but it was really big news.

"Psychopath" as defined by my Thai dictionary and Scientific American states that a psychopath can actually believe he is right in behaving wrong. He feels no guilt and can feign guilt where and when it is necessary or beneficial to him/her as in during assessments by police, medical practitioners, courts of law and I am thinking apartment building owners too which brings me to another important point in this my second letter to you. Last night at my insistence the building owner had a meeting with you where you showed a modicum of proper behaviour by apologizing to him for your aggressive, improper behaviour.

You are a text book example of a psychopath. The owner controls your future here at Saithip Grandville therefore he received an apology. The shy, innocent Thai lady who you scared the hell out of several years ago when you banged like a mad man on her room 716 door because she was listening to the radio needs an apology. Her boyfriend was called at work immediately as if there was an important family emergency and he called another Saithip resident to check on the disturbance then that resident determined the problem was you and that the radio was not loud.
 
Archie, the peaceful German man who you threw the excrement and urine at then sprayed him with insect repellent all on different days certainly deserves an apology. Did you actually plan on a day for excrement, another day for urine and then a third day for insect repellent? I don't know many psychopaths and maybe you guys have real attack strategies planned. Just wondering.

How about the taxi driver? Do you think he was in shock when your hand whacked the back of his passing cab? How high did you send his stress levels? I bet his heart jumped into his mouth thinking he hit a dog or a person. It is no wonder that he beat the crap out of you. You should be ashamed of yourself.

Just like the taxi driver attack when you crashed on my door you scared the hell out of me. What was different was that I knew who was smashing my door. I only have one enemy. I did not go to any other door to find my attacker. I went straight to your door. There are 16 doors in our hallway but there is only one door that hides a coward that starts a fight then runs. Maybe when I find you outside you can throw a child or a woman between us when I approach you. Maybe a helpless, old woman that you can easily grab and toss. Or maybe the guy with no arms. Speaking of him, he always has a big smile so what the fuck are you always so pissy about. You only have a friendly neighbour who won't kowtow to your anal wishes. Have yourself checked out somewhere.

You are one brazen, insolent, self righteous jack ass.

You told the man living below you not to use his ceiling light because it heats up your floor. You are a complete fucking idiot.

You sent a nasty email to the good man living below you once for including your email address in a group email therefore exposing your address to others. He was including you with a group of friends as if you were a friend. You are the obsessed monomaniac. Control freakazoid.

We never had an agreement about your raincoat. We also never had an agreement where I would accommodate you or your needs and demands for undisturbed quiet in any way. I don't accommodate demanding, over-bearing little pricks. I never looked at you hopelessly either when you said the raincoat was never received. I made an effort for you and you are not thankful for it. Also you are now saying it is just a raincoat and the thief would be disappointed that the package coming from Thailand would not contain some heroin or gems. Why did you tell me it was a Nike raincoat worth 7000 baht? Why did you keep the raincoat so long in Bangkok if it was so important to someone else? Get your lies and embellishments straight.

"Hopeless". I don't do hopeless. Ever. I had just arrived in Bangkok from Canada and you expected me to drop everything and find your raincoat back in Canada that I was nice enough to take to Canada for you? Now two years later you are freaking out in the hallway screaming thief at me. I sent an inquiring email and told you it was put in the mail. Once again for all those reading this and following the saga of "Brucey, Saithip's Resident Jerk-Off" this is not a fair example of how doing a favour for a friend can back fire. This example is truly an extreme exception to the rule. Most folks would get it. We can all still do favours for friends but beware of Brucey.

Ethics? You are the one who threw a bottle of urine at a guy for smoking in his own room and another time thought you were justified in spraying insect repellent in his face and another time you threw some shit in a bottle at his balcony hoping it would break and stink his place up. Is this the kind of ethical behaviour they taught you at university? Glad I missed it. In my email to you I did not mention the spraying of insect repellent or the shit throwing escapades on the smoker in room 716. Your university education really did fill your head with shit. They should have taught you that your shit stays in the toilet. Only babies pull it out of their diapers and throw at people they don't like.You were really far offside in doing that. Your behaviour is unconscionable.

 I say that as someone who does have ethics and was brought up to care about others. Did you ask whether I own a dictionary because you think I am less intelligent than you? I know the shit stays in the toilet even on days I am so fucking mad. It is really all about maturity and control. I usually use a Thai dictionary these days. Out of respect for the culture I am in I thought I better learn to communicate with them. Saithip Grandville is probably the quietest building in all of Bangkok even with me in it playing my loud music. This is a loud culture.

Yes I am a working man now. Decided after 10 years of retirement to try something new. I was able to retire at 44 because I held 2 jobs most of my life and busted my ass for 70 hours a week. This is a perfect spot for a derogatory comment about what you are doing with your life at your age but I will let it go. Taking the high road is always the best route especially involving such petty issues.

Baccara? That is simply a primal need that most normal men would be drawn to. I feel really sad for you if you are so intellectually superior to me and my kind that young, beautiful girls no longer appeal to you. Socrates, you better get out more.

I threatened to kill you because you shocked the devil out of me when you crashed my door. Your shrewd thinking man's IQ should have warned you that premeditating an attack and then acting on it against an unwary, uneducated, brash type such as myself would illicit some strong repercussions for yourself. Even a dummy like you should know not to provoke others anymore after all your other bad experiences. You mentioned that all your life you are powerless in dealing with bullies like me so I am concluding that you have had many bad experiences. We are both lucky I did not hurt you. I don't want to be hitting you. Other people who know you and like you have confirmed with me that they would have. In fact you should have really learned this lesson for the last time when you banged your fist on the back of a taxi because you were angry at the driver for being careless. He turned his cab around, jumped out and beat the crap out of you. Everybody knows about that incident and told me about it.

I do not lie. The story changes as it goes from old woman to old woman. My lady guessed me at 39. I said thanks. I haven't said I was 39 since I was 39. You are a gossipy old lady. Such a weak excuse for a man. You are not happy unless you are mad.

Why are you making a reference to your educational background or my occupational background? Must be relevant to something in your fucked up head.

I am big enough to admit I can be stupid. For example, when I became friendly with you and gave you the benefit of the doubt when warned by others about your tendency to be aggressive and that you have assaulted people and taxis. Another example of my stupidity was last Wednesday when you attacked my door and I controlled myself as best as I could even though you had just hit a nerve with me. I should have smacked you out of your misery for a short while and let you think about your actions. You email suggests that you hit a nerve and I am mature enough to admit that yes you did. Your attack on my unsuspecting self and and home along with your baseless derogatory commentary on my life has hit a nerve.

I sent a strong, clear message to you to not escalate this and to stay away from me and everyone that I am involved with. It makes perfect sense considering some facts you point out in your response. You truly believe you are a victim and are justified in your physical assault of people who you are not afraid of (see "psychopath"). Your implication that my educational background is inferior to your own and somehow plays a part in your personal issues with me is absurd. It reminds me of the lawyer in a sexual assault case back in Canada. He argued that his client was an educated man and even more so than the victim's boyfriend and therefore implied he had some divine right to assault her. Bruce take a look at yourself and take stock of what you are doing. You are lucky that someone has not hurt you seriously for your behaviour up to this point. Had I been the occupant of room 716 instead of the obviously peaceful smoker you felt so emboldened as to assault with piss, crap and insect repellent you would no longer be here. Who is the bully here Mr. Intelligence? Bring on your piss, poop and insect repellent to room 708 and see what happens.

 It must be fun because you keep doing nasty things to people who live beside you.
Interestingly enough Simon from room 706 is 6'4" and probably more than 220 lbs. He did complain about the noise. I said I had to practice and I do it during the daytime when most people are awake or out at their jobs. He eventually started requesting I sing more Johnny Cash and Bowie. We worked it out fine. He is a normal man.

The guys that were here in January were not put in rooms near or beside you on purpose by me. I had a lot of visitors throughout the building on the 3rd, 5th and 6th floors as well. You were even rude to a Saithip guest from the 5th floor who came up to visit me. Poor guy had no idea that you owned the hotel he was staying at. I don't agree with anyone making a loud racket at night. You never hear loud music from my room at night or early morning.

I was not happy that people were making noise at night. I am not the inconsiderate guy you believe I am. How is it that you can find it in your delusions that I am to blame for somebody else's noise simply because I know them? I was in bed listening to the racket too. I realize that their is a small price to pay for living in such a cheap apartment. I was happy the other paying customers at Saithip were having fun. It was a cheerful change from your bleak outlook. They only needed to be asked pleasantly to keep the noise down and they would have complied but oh no you had to go around slamming doors and stomping yourself crazy and complaining to the other residents.

The man who stayed next door to you in 712 is an Ivy League PHD and has had tenure at 2 major US universities. He enjoys lots of what you describe as puerile entertainment. You should have had it out with him and made use of all your pompous ass talk. What an asshole you are to use $20.00 words to justify throwing piss and shit on people and spraying them with insect repellent. Your justification for carrying a knife to protect yourself from the likes of myself and company is another example of your psychopathic tendencies. Get the fuck away from me. You are the danger!

One morning a year ago you were aware that I was up very late the night before. You played your easy listening music at full volume. Everyone could hear it on the 6th, 7th and 8th floors. I didn't say a thing or make a complaint downstairs. I knew exactly what your "educated mind" was up to.
You say I am an over bearing prick and sort of imply that I am a big guy that bullies people that are not a threat to me. Is there anything else that could not be farther from the truth that you would like to accuse me of being? Why do you think I would not know about world events in as much as you know about them? You need to take that genius IQ and lofty attitude of yours back to Canada for a check up with your pals at Mensa. I am hardly an over bearing prick or a threat to anyone.

Before the 8 years of vocal training my Dad called it yelling too. I piss you off by projecting my powerful voice in your direction because it pleases me to no end. However, I give a yelling display every Monday at Nomads a British Pub on Silom Soi 4 and they keep asking me to do weekends so somebody enjoys it.

Neither myself nor Karli are thieves. If the raincoat was so full of meaning and family sentiment why did you trust it with anyone but yourself? It was obviously worth the price to send it if after 2 years you are still angry about it and thinking myself or someone else may have stolen it. Why would anyone keep the postage receipt? It was for approximately $12.00 and not tax deductible for Karli or myself and she did not request the cash back from me.
I am not a bully nor do I want to hit you. When I walked towards you and I saw how distressed you were cringing back inside your door I felt sorry for you. I do not play music loud to piss you off.

I also play the flute, piano and guitar as well as my yelling. I do not play flute at night because the high pitched frequency travels through the building. You have called my music that of a brash adolescent. You have been lucky to hear some of the most important artists of all time coming from my stereo. Elvis, Dylan. the Stones, Nat King Cole, the Beatles, Bowie, Sinatra, Jethro Tull, Oscar Peterson, Yes and the list goes on and on. If these artists are not good then you have a bigger problem than I thought. All musical genres are enjoyed in my room. From jazz, blues, rock and roll, big city funk with a whole lotta soul, country punk to classical I play it all. Even a load of great gospel but that has drums so maybe it sounds juvenile to you in your mature, dignified life. Most of the artists played at "CLUB 708" are older now and their music is hardly puerile. I don't have much music by younger artists who may be making the brash, juvenile stuff you are referring to but hey big guy if that is what is really pissing you off I can go and get some and blast it loud for your sake even if I don't particularly care for it myself. You should consider yourself lucky to be in such close proximity and able to enjoy this great music at no charge.

I have checked with lots of neighbours to see if they want the music turned down. Seems that "ALMOST" everyone is fine with it.

You are a music critic? You don't know too much. You crashed my door while I was listening to John Cale. Look him up and see his credentials. He is a classically trained classic that I give you the opportunity to hear. I know I do not spend much time listening to the stuff you like but at least I allow you your crappy easy listening music without making fun of you. I feel it is none of my business what others do whether they are noisy or not.  I do have many fantasies and some of them do incorporate music. I am certain that you are next door to me holding hands with yourself dancing naked to your Wham cds. Maybe some Dancing Queen too. I don't mind. It is ok because it is in "YOUR ROOM".

I will repeat one of the things I said in the hallway. I have been here "in my room" longer than you have been in yours. You moved beside me. It is your responsibility to move. Not mine. I will only tolerate your pompous crap for so long.

Be mindful that Thailand is not a good place start a fight with anyone. Especially for farangs. It can be devastating both financially and physically to both parties. If you try to buy me any misfortune I think I can easily outbid you. I worked in the real world in many a workingman's job before running to Thailand. I did not run to Thailand with my Little Bo Peep diploma as you and lots of other misfits from the west did to teach English for low wages because you can't handle the real world. Imagine attacking a guy's door in Canada or tossing piss, shit or insect repellent in his face. Which brings up another point. You need to go home. Referencing heroin and gems because the raincoat package originated in Thailand? That shows how long you have been here. Not that there is anything wrong with that but you have lost touch with reality. The world is a smaller place now and lots of people travel. I have crossed the Pacific more than 50 times. You did it one time. Go home and get an attitude adjustment. A mental tune up so to speak. I am sorry I did not want to make fun of you but there has to be a shop where you can get fixed. I am laughing so hard now. Can you hear me? Is it too loud? hehehehe

A police report does not involve charges. It is only a document describing one person's side of the story. Go in and ask about the laws here regarding noise levels and assaulting the property of others. Give them your side of the story. File a report on me for playing loud music in Bangkok. Now I am really laughing. My guess is you were wrong. The report is # 070 filed July 1st, 2010. I need a police record of events to protect myself in case you threaten to hurt me and I take action against you to defend myself. A copy of the police report is available for your educated perusal at the front desk downstairs. It only details your name calling and the attacking of my door.

I do not want to continue this pissing contest (no pun intended). 
Think of all the time you waste being angry. It's a pointless emotion.
Jumpin' Jack Flash is a great song to wake up with. You are correct. "Jerk-off" when used as a noun is hyphenated. I was obviously frazzled by your attack on my door.

Change rooms. Pick one faraway from me.

Tom.